Pretty soon, we’ll be up to our armpits in pants. But for now, which would you be partial to - Alicia’s highwaisted jeans or the stratospheric heights of Britney’s short shorts?

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Pomtinis count as a serving of fruit, you know. They’re full of antioxidants, so down a couple as you surf the gossip links tonight and work on your alibi.

WiNo-No strikes again? (AmyGrindhouse)

Is someone trying to kill Robert Downey Jr? (SeriouslyOMG)

What does Kate Moss have to do to get arrested in this town? (AgentBedhead)

When Pink finds out, Brandon Davis is gonna need protective custody (CeleBitchy)

William Balfour arrested for Hudson family murders (SocialiteLife)

David Spade needs a good lawyer (Celebslam)

The criminal truth of Tina Fey’s scar (CelebWarship)

Lindsay Lohan = Eddie Gein? (AllieIsWired)

American Express hates America (CelebuWreck)

Immortals team up for concert (CelebritySmack)

Criminal panty lines, Beyonce! (POTP)

Someone wants Simon Cowell bad enough to break the law (GabbyBabble)

Michael Phelps has mastered the George Clooney m. o. (DailyStab)

Lindsay Lohan has a Facebook impersonator: Lindsay Lohan? (EvilBeet)

Liveblogging Fake Karl by Dead Yves (FakeKarl)

False advertising! (CandyKirby)

Fun with Spam (IBBB)

Shia finally makes his Mom happy, becomes a lawyer (JustJared)

Giant douche can’t even manage to shoot himself in the foot (Mollygood)

Some criminal hairdos at the BAFTAs (UKPopsugar)

Save Canada! (OMG)

Marc Jacobs, necrophiliac? (Towleroad)

Your shirtless unicorn chaser (Defamer)

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And at the BAFTA Children’s Awards no less! How about we try not to throw open the pod bay doors until the kids have gone to bed, eh Geri?

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Not a cozy cabin, but a cozy Cabernet Sauvignon which, at about $15 rather than $150,000, is a lot more comfortable.

Nicole Kidman or wax figure? (CelebrityCosmeticSurgery)

Skinny vs Curvy: Lilo vs Lily Allen (SkinnyVsCurvy)

Vegetarians are bloody-minded (AgentBedhead)

Kanye = BRITNEY+++ (CelebWarship)

WinonaSHOPLIFTER4ever! (CeleBitchy)

Happy Birthday Pax! (CelebrityBabyScoop)

The newest Hollywood discovery! (CelebritySmack)

Patrick Swayze: the latest (DailyStab)

Happy ArchiedDAYS (Defamer)

Suri 24/7 (DListed)

Counting things on Thanksgiving ( CandyKirby)

Rosie’s not so grateful (EvilBeet)

Black Friday Indeed! (GabbyBabble)

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Maybe things have changed since I last checked, but old Father Christmas seems to be copping a feel of Kelly Ripa in exchange for delivering her a shiny trinket. Whatever happened to just leaving out the old milk and cookies?

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